BigLerm.com

McDonald’s Snack Wrap

Good:  It costs just over a dollar, and two pretty much make up a meal.

Bad:  The wrap portion of the Snack Wrap tastes like paper towel and farts.

Rating: 3/10 stars

With the new season of 30 Rock right around the corner, I give you my version of the 30 Rock drinking game.

Take a sip when:
1. Tracy says someone’s full name.
2. Kenneth says “Mr. Jordan”
3. Cerie is in the scene.
4. Kenneth talks about his home or heritage.
5. Jack mentions “Don Geise” or “Johnathan”.
6. Jack makes fun of Liz.
7. Dennis calls Liz a “dummy”.
8. Liz walks into Jack’s office.
9. You see an elevator door.

Finish beer when:
1. Liz says “nerds” or “what the what?”
2. Jenna mentions acting she had done outside of TGS.
3. Dotcom makes a smart ass remark.
4. Frank changes hats.

Do a shot when:
1. Tracy calls anyone a racist.
2. Liz gets something thrown on her.
3. Jenna gets injured or fakes an injury.
4. Jack mentions the Scheinhardt Wig Company.

A Tunnel

I’m dumb.  I just realized people can not register to post comments on my site.  I have resolved the issue, sorry for being a dumb ass.  Here is a picture of a tunnel please accept this as my apology.

I was driving around with my cousin John Rambo the other day, and he started telling me a story about something I did.  The strange part was he was using this really wierd voice when he was pretending to be me, and this is apparently what I sound like…What Lerm Sounds Like to John Rambo

So apparently I sound like a hilarious Swedish guy and I flail my arms about.

If you talk to his kids they think I sound like this big fool So yeah, I apparently sound like a giant tard, this makes me wonder how other people do impressions of me.

Some of the things churches and religions get people to believe are hilarious to me.  An example of this would be dinosaurs, I know people who think dinosaurs are not real because church said so.  I would love to be able to make rules and or laws  which people would follow blindly. A brainstorming session for my religion would go something like this: “OK, so dinosaurs arent real. Uhhhh, you have to eat cake with every meal, and hmmmm….. anytime you see a midget you must give him/her a noogie because they are god’s good luck charms.  BAM! DONE! CHURCH MADE!”

I was driving home this evening from Parkville and I heard at least 10 of those “Click-It-Or-Ticket” ads.  Seriously, do we still need these? I thought these ads had gone the way of the light-up no smoking sign on planes, and not knowing smoking is bad for your health.  Its 2009 we all know you can’t smoke on planes, cigarettes kill the shit out of you, and that if you don’t wear a seat belt whilst in a vehicle you are pretty much asking for it.

That being said its time to put an end to the “Buckle up, its the law” ads.  If you are either too lazy or too stupid to take 2 second to buckle up when you get in a car then we don’t need you.  It’s simple Darwinism, I’m willing to bet if you are too dumb to put your seat belt on, then you probably aren’t making any great contributions to society (and yes, playing Keno at the liquor store does not count).  Your dumb ass being removed from the gene pool would not be a bad thing.  This has been part one of my rants on things that are too safe.  Next up playgrounds and the new safer school buses.

I am so fickle.  I used to hate twitter and made fun of people who used it.  Now I love it, its the best.  Follow my adventures @lermtron5000.  Look me up.

I found this log the other day when I was going through my Blackberry.  I was keeping tabs of the events on my bus ride to MI for Thanksgiving.

5PM- Baltimore greyhound has the slowest counter ever.  Lady yells at me because I won’t let her cut in line, even though we are on the same bus.  I feel bad for stupid people… Location: Baltimore, MD

11PM- Bus driver pulls over to yell at the dumb lady from earlier for laughing way too loud while people are trying to sleep.  I wonder what it would feel like to be be yelled at by a bus driver as an adult.  I hope this lady gets her head cut off.  Location: Western Maryland

1AM- Arrive for “meal stop”.  There is like six inches of snow on the ground.  Starts to dawn on me that forgetting coat on trip to MI was a bad idea.  Dude behind me peers between seats in attempt to see what I am furiously typing into my Blackberry.  Everyone gets off the bus to smoke except me.  Location: Somerset, PA

1:20AM-Bus now smells like Cheetos and cigarettes.  Awesome.  Next stop Pitt.  Location: Somerset, PA

2:30AM- Six people get on the bus and wander aimlessly for a few moments before realizing this is not their bus.  Only one other bus here so there is a pretty good chance you’ll get back on the right one.  Darwin would be sad.  Location: Pittsburgh, PA

6AM- Bus driver eating cup o’ noodles very loudly, probably not the best meal option for someone trying to drive.  I consider saying something but the fate of being thrown off the bus in the middle of Ohio scares the shit out of me.  I bite my tongue, fuck you Suckhio.  Location: Somewhere in god awful Ohio

7AM-12PM:  I sleep for the rest of the trip.  When I am not sleeping I pretend to be asleep in order to avoid conversation with any of the strange halfbreed retard fucks that get on the bus in Ohio.  Location: Sadly still Ohio

12:30PM- Arrive in Detroit.  Relieved that no passangers were eaten or raped in the face while driving through Suckhio.

What do you feed a cactus?

-JP

My old debate coach had a wooden leg…she used to drive the cheesebus funny.  Haven’t you guys heard of the cheesebus?  Its the school bus but its yellow.

-JP